Soooooo, a few weeks ago I was contacted by news.com.au – only THE biggest Australian news website, FYI, so reeeeaaaally no big deal, AHEM – asking me if I’d allow them to publish my ‘(Not so) glamourous moments on the road‘ article. A few woohoooooos, a ridiculous looking dance around my kitchen table and a couple of emails later we had a deal and now there’s a picture of my fat ass in a bathing suit and a yellow rubber ring in a VERY unelegant position on their website just waiting for all of Australia to see it… Yep, you gotta love that glam life…
OK OK maybe not ALL of Australia, but let me remind you which picture it was and I’m sure you’ll understand my concern…
See?!? Anyway, I’m ‘glad’ to announce that over the past 3 months I’ve once again been so clumsy that I have enough inspiration for part 2 of the article, and if I continue like this, I’m pretty sure I’ll soon be able to turn it into an ongoing series. You know, like some bloggers do a monthly round up of all the best places they’ve been to? Well I’ll have mine full of the best places to faint in the middle of the street, fall off your motorbike and get attacked by monkeys.
So enjoy my latest (un)glamourous moments on the road and please share yours in the comments! And yes, you are once again allowed to laugh at me all you want!
That time I fell straight on my face in Bali
I’d just spent a few days all by myself on a quiet little island in Indonesia, and to say I was feeling totally relaxed would be an understatement. I was about to take the boat back to Bali and already imagining myself elegantly hopping on it with the help of the handsome captain, just slightly wetting my feet because the boat boarded offshore, and a fresh breeze going through my hair whilst softly gliding over the water.
A few minutes later and BAM, reality struck… The boat looked so shabby the thought of ‘now might be a good time to call my family to tell them I love them‘ spontaneously crossed my mind, the ‘captain’ was probably not even old enough to legally drive it, the windows were closed the whole time with no aircon so instead of a fresh breeze there was basically just a lot of sweat, and the sea was so wild that by the time I’d even approached the boat I was soaked up until my waist. And that was the glamourous part of the trip…
Arriving back on Bali there were two ways to get off the beach: climbing over big rocks for about 10m or walking over the beach towards the stairs that were located 20m from there. Seeing I was carrying my big backpack on my back and a smaller one in the front, climbing over the rocks wasn’t really an option (trust me, I tried anyway, it was also VERY glam…). So off I went over the beach.
Sounds easy enough, don’t you think?!?
Well, think again…
I was walking carefully to avoid falling over the ropes that attached the other boats to the shore when suddenly… a big wave… boats and ropes moving around like crazy… my foot gets stuck… I trip but manage to stay up… I’m starting to think ‘phew, this could have ended in a much less elegant manner‘ when suddenly… the full weight of my backpack hits my neck and BAM…
My knee hits the sand… my head gets pushed all the way down… and before I even realize it, there I am on my knees squeezed in between my 2 backpacks, with my face on the ground and my ass up in the air…
That time my feet went forward but the rest of my body didn't in Belgium
A couple of weeks earlier I’d received a gift voucher for a box of Belgian chocolats. Now if you say ‘Belgian chocolats’, all I hear is ‘jummie jummie jummie’ so it seems needless to say I was quite happy walking out of the shop.
That was, at least, until my bag got stuck behind the door handle, which pulled my whole body backwards while one of my feet – that was already on the slippery carpet – went straight forward…
That time I relied on the weather forecast, also in Belgium
I can only say one thing: when you plan on making a day trip to Bruges and the Belgian weather forecast says the best day of the week is going to be Wednesday… go on Thursday!
I took a grand total of 3 pictures ’cause I was too afraid of drowning my camera, was soaked the whole day – and it was March and freezing! – and don’t even get me started on my hair…
The next day, not a drop of rain in all of Belgium…
That time I got my camera filter stolen by a monkey while his friend/brother/whatever attacked me in Bali
Monkey Forest, Ubud, Indonesia. I was just looking around minding my own business watching some monkeys – well – monkeying around when suddenly one of them came to say hi. Or at least that’s what I thought for a minute or so. Unfortunately it quickly turned out it wasn’t ME he was interested in…
I had no food or drinks in my bag because I knew they can basically smell it and go looking for it. Seeing I don’t agree on feeding animals cookies and other kind of junk or watching them ‘eat’ an empty plastic water bottle, I simply didn’t bring any. So I thought I was safe.
Turned out monkeys don’t just like food… they’re also into photography!
He climbed on me while I was sitting on a bench, turned around a few times on my lap, being all cute and lovable, and before I could do anything, opened my camera bag, took out my ND filter and ran off with it… JUST. LIKE. THAT!!!
While I was trying to kindly convince him to give it back to me (those things are bloody expensive!!!) another one appeared from behind, did two swings around the branch of a tree (OK I might have seen too many movies with monkeys in them), threw himself on me and started biting me in the leg!!! He only ‘bit’ me twice and his teeth never went through my skin but at that point I thought it MIGHT be safer just to buy a new filter…
Sidenote: I never visit places where animals are locked up or made to suffer being used as a tourist attraction but over here, the monkeys can move around freely and the staff does everything to avoid people hurting them or giving them all kinds of food a monkey simply isn’t supposed to eat. There’s instructions everywhere saying what you can and can’t do once inside – and with a bit of common sense you can figure out most of them all by yourself. Some tourists unfortunately are either blind or either real assholes, and I beg you, if you go here, don’t be one (and put away your camera equipment 😉 )!!!
That time I fell off my motorbike on Nusu Lembongan, Indonesia
“Noooooooo worries my friend, me good driver!” I almost believed it myself but the guy from the motorbike rental company clearly didn’t… Maybe I shouldn’t have ignored his eyes full of despair when he saw me driving off but hey, you gotta love a new adventure, right?!?
So off I went on my motorbike, on the tiny roads of Nusa Lembongan and Nusa Ceningan, that you can hardly call well taken care off to say the least… Well at some points you can hardly even call them roads anymore, actually… I miraculously survived a whole day and was on my way home after watching the sunset when suddenly… a lot of sand and small stones on the road, I had to turn,
probably definitely did something stupid, and BAM, there I was, lying under my motorbike with a bleeding knee.
Maybe me not such a good driver after all…
The next day, I fell over that fucking rope… On the same knee, obviously!
That time I had a date with 2 guys at once and 1 of them showed up wearing hotel slippers
OK so before you think that #SomeGirlsHaveAllTheLuck, I have to
dissappoint reassure you: it wasn’t an actual date. I know, #Life’sABitch… But anyway, that’s not the point here!
The point is, for once there was actually nothing wrong with ME! For once, I was looking at least half decent… I’d done my hair, put on a dress and even make-up – that looked good for at least 10 whole minutes after which it turned out to be 45°C in the restaurant and my mascara melted halfway down my cheeks – but again, that’s not the point here! (I have got to learn to stick to the point of my story… or maybe not… Anyway!)
The point is, I had made an effort! The point is, for once I was actually looking pretty glam! AND IT ALL GOT RUINED IN NOT EVEN 2 SECONDS BY A PAIR OF HOTEL SLIPPERS!!!
And you know what?!? I DIDN’T CARE FOR EVEN A SECOND…
Because #WhoNeedsToLookGlamourousWhenTheyCanJustBeLaughing TheirAssOffWithDearFriendsInstead?!?
BTW, I’m not one to kiss and tell so I can’t give you names but you should check out his blog for more funny stories 😉 (Hey, nobody can be mad about a bit of free publicity, right?)
Alright, that’s all for today guys, but as I said, seeing my present state of clumsyness, I’m sure there’ll be more to come soon 🙂 Until then, have fun and remember